Happy New Year!
Over the last few months, I’ve had the privilege of speaking with numerous journalists about how to help people create New Year’s resolutions that they can stick with in 2013.
Featured media in the last week include The New York Times Magazine (January 6), CNN.com, Stateside (NPR-MI Radio), and Fox 2 News Morning Show.
Below, I share six powerful tips for you to use personally or in the behavioral counseling that you do.
1. Focus on only one resolution.
The term “New Year’s resolutions” is plural and implies that we should make more than one resolution at the beginning of every New Year. In fact, making more than one resolution, in general, is not a good idea. Small changes are almost always better than large ones. We have a limited capacity for willpower – on our best days! Yet most of us live busy lives where we have to make numerous decisions (which saps willpower) on multiple fronts. Given this, we are much more likely to stick with our resolution if we only work on learning one new behavior at a time. If you made more than one resolution for 2013, consider picking the most important one to focus on now.
2. Don’t make a resolution about anything “important.”
Our lives are too scheduled and hectic to fit in things that are “important.” Let’s be real. Most of us only have time for what is “essential” to function every day. Instead of making abstract resolutions related to improving your health or losing those same 40 pounds this year, refocus on a resolution that can improve an area of your daily life in very real and specific ways. Think increased energy, better mood, less stress, etc. Then, identify one (only one) behavior you can work on to give you more of those precious outcomes, like getting more sleep or moving your body more during the day.
3. Find YOUR hook.
We stick with behaviors that we have positive feelings about, ones that feel like gifts to ourselves. Once you identify which behavior you want to adopt, it is critical that you receive positive feedback that your efforts are delivering results. So, start charting how your days go when you do this behavior and how they go when you don’t. Start to notice whether you feel more positively AND if this increase in positivity further helps you better enjoy and be more successful at what matters most. Once you see the compelling link between practicing this new behavior and how much it helps you thrive in your daily life, it will begin to feel like a gift you can give yourself. When you discover that this new behavior helps you thrive that is the hook to lasting motivation.
4. Reframe your resolution as an opportunity to “learn” – not to achieve.
We live in a culture that pressures us to be perfect. But thinking about your resolution as trying to hit a bull’s-eye does not set you up for long-term success. Research shows that people who have “achievement” goals, goals that aim to achieve a specific outcome, are less likely to stick with their efforts compared to those who frame their goals as ways to “learn.” So, give yourself permission to take time to learn how to sustain this new behavior. You have the rest of your life to do it, why not take six months to a year to learn how to stick with it for good?
5. Plan for failure.
That might seem like a pessimistic way to begin the New Year. But in fact, planning for the challenges ahead is more realistic and can help you more strategically achieve your goals. When anything is important to our daily lives (school, professional travel plans, meals, etc.) we accommodate unanticipated challenges and necessary schedule changes, automatically. Why don’t we consider and treat our goals to “feel as good as possible” in this way? For those who’d like to start doing this, the technique is simple, it’s called “if-then” planning. After you forecast your weekly plans for your new “thriving” behavior, think through what is likely to get in your way. Then write down what the situation(s) is that will challenge your plans (the “if”) and what your action or response will be to overcome that challenge(s) (the “then”). This technique not only helps you better confront your challenges, it also makes your strategies “automatic.” Having our intended habits become automatic reduces our need for willpower, and thus, conserves this limited resource for future tough situations! This technique is really key to feel and live as well as we can.
6. Be self-compassionate when things go awry.
Remember when Forrest Gump was running (in the movie) and he said something along the lines of, “S___ happens!?” The wisdom of “stuff happens!” cannot be over emphasized when it comes to sticking with your New Year’s resolution. Regardless of our plans, things will always go awry. Research shows that being self critical when we don’t achieve our plans or goals actually undermines our motivation and the likelihood of success. So, when things go awry with your plans, a smarter strategy is to notice what happened with self-compassion and without any negative judgments. Remember, your New Year’s resolution is actually one giant experiment, so everything that goes wrong actually becomes an opportunity to learn and inform the next time around.
As we enter 2013, I want to thank you for your continued interest in reading my ideas about creating sustainable motivation, behavior and self-care. If you have any triumphs or challenges to share about your own resolutions, specific challenges with patients or clients, or just behavior change in general, please leave a comment/question below – I look forward to personally responding to every comment.
I have updated my website to make it more helpful for folks to understand how to build lasting motivation and behavior personally or in their professional work fostering health and well-being in others.
So, please check out my new “Motivation Innovation” page if you’d like to see a summary of my solutions. The content is organized in a user-friendly way by professional and personal interests.
I’d love to hear about your New Year’s resolution challenges and/or successes below..
