My good friend Sarah e-mailed me and mentioned that she was about to re-start Weight Watchers (WW). I was surprised to hear that because just a few weeks ago, she told me how well the program was working and that she was losing weight. When I asked her why she had stopped WW, Sarah informed me that overindulging in her daughter’s birthday cake over a few days had led to a three-weeek backslide and a six-pound weight gain.
This phenomenon, “over eating something leads to blacksliding,” is very common and a real problem for many women. There are important psychological reasons this happens and my hope is that by understanding the causes, you’ll be in a better situation to prevent it.
In this blog entry, I am going to focus on explaining the psychology of how demonizing food often backfires, leading us to backslide into an eating frenzy. Then, in a future blog, I’ll go into some specific solutions to help you change your mindset and behavior.
You’ve probably heard that categorizing some food as “bad” is harmful to weight control. In basic terms, when you tell yourself you can’t eat a certain food for some reason, because it is high calorie or “bad for me”, you create a tension that often leads to a type of obsession with certain foods and an on-going war within yourself.
There are two psychological theories that help explain why this is so. Reactance Theory is almost self-explanatory. When someone TELLS you what you can or can’t do, you react against that – you rebel. This psychological effect comes into play whether the person telling you what to do is someone else or yourself. “Michelle, you CAN’T have this piece of cake because it is BAD and will make you gain weight.” My reaction to this would be: “Don’t tell me what to do, I want the cake, and I’m going to eat it.” Often, we eat much more of the cake than we even wanted as we prove that no one can tell us what to do. Demonizing food sets this dynamic in motion.
The second theory is Self-Determination Theory (SDT). Within this very complex theory is a gem that applies to this situation. It’s about how we “regulate” ourselves. If we do things because we want to do them, SDT refers to this as “intrinsic regulation”. Research has shown that doing things out of intrinsic regulation leads to better commitment and follow through, and even happier lives. (Why? Because our actions are inline with who we are and what we want.)
But when we do something because we are “supposed to” we have a type of regulation whose name is as unappealing as the effect: Introjected Regulation. Introjected Regulation is caused by having partially internalized a belief that we learned from outside of ourselves (from our culture, family, physician, etc.), but we haven’t fully made it our own. That’s actually how it becomes a “should”. We know we “should” do it, but deep down we don’t own this belief and it isn’t experienced as compelling.
I believe Introjected Regulation is women’s greatest enemy when it comes to eating well, exercising, and losing or maintaining weight. With Introjected Regulation, we do things out of guilt and/or the sense that “I should” do it. For example, “I should walk away from the cake table”, “I shouldn’t eat the cake because it is bad for me”, etc. However, because Introjected Regulation is in force we don’t have a deep conviction to say no to something we actually want, making it hard to be very committed. The result is that we feel very ambivalent about the “should behavior”, and often do not sustain it for long.
So why does this lead us to backslide? Imagine a boomerang. What do boomerangs do? You throw them and they come right back. In this case, the boomerang is “I shouldn’t eat this bad food” and that introjected energy and intention ricochets right back and smacks us. When we behave out of this “should” stance it often backfires and leads us to do just the opposite and more (ie., the backslide). So you see, operating with these types of “shoulds” can be self-defeating.
Because awareness is the first step and the key to preventing this introjected phenomenon, I’m going to ask you to take this month and try to be really mindful of whether and when you find yourself judging a food as “bad” and the “should messages” that accompany it.
In a future blog post, I’ll go into more depth about how you can learn to circumvent this phenomenon to avoid boomeranging into an eating frenzied backslide. In addition, stay tuned for an upcoming guest blog post from an investigator doing innovative research on why menopause often leads to weight gain.
If you have any personal experience with this issue please share it. I’ll respond to everyone who comments. I welcome any comment, including those that don’t agree with my ideas above.
Warmly,
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
I was reading your newsletter and thinking about what makes me ‘backslide’. Because we have such a big family and our home is the gathering point for lots of weekend meals, I have ‘leftovers’. I cook healthy food, but not necessarily the type of food I cook for my husband and I when we’re alone. Because there are kids, I’ll often make apple pie or chocolate chip cookies or brownies. I don’t feel badly if I have one at that time, but if the kids don’t take the leftovers home I’m in deep trouble. I was raised in an environment where one doesn’t ‘throw’ food away – so I eat it! I think I’ll just have to get over this….even if I spent 2 hours making it!
Hi Mickey,
Thank you for your comment. The situation you mentioned is really common. Having a brownie and feeling good about that is important. Of course we should eat food we like! But, clearly having a bunch of food around that presents on going challenges is not very helpful. I think there are many different things you can do.
1) Freeze the food in one-size portions. If the brownie is too big (or cookie) break it in half or thirds to make a more appropriate size. [Having it in the house, even in the freezer might not work for many though. Including me.]
2) My favorite, give it away to others who will enjoy it. I love to eat cookies, but don’t want them as a staple in my house. So, when we have been given some, have a party, etc., I’ll give them to the guests and/or my husband to take in to work.
3) Tossing extra food is also a good idea. People might say, but with the hunger in the world, throwing away food is shameful. I don’t necessarily agree. If you eat food you don’t really want or need then in essence you are making your body a garbage can. So, if you have these Introjected beliefs “I shouldn’t toss food”, you can recognize them and decide they come from an earlier time when having too much food was not the problem.
4) Make less food. Grandmothers love to shower their kids and grandkids with food. (A wonderful thing) But, maybe make less, just so there is enough to enjoy but not enough for leftovers. (It might help teach your grandkids about better portion sizes too.)
I’d love to hear ideas from other readers about ways to handle this situation!
Michelle
Michelle,
Great post! I was particularly interested in your explanation of Introjected Regulation, and find it fascinating that because a belief isn’t “owned”, it is harder to follow. I look forward to learning ways to overcome that, as I believe that’s my problem in a nutshell.
Also, your #3 response to Mickey above is right on target – with toddlers, it becomes a very easy habit to eat their leftovers, of which there are plenty, every day – love the thought of essentially making yourself a garbage can. A great way to look at it and stop the behavior!
Hi Elaine,
Thanks for your comment!
Many people talk about eating their children’s leftovers. If that’s really easy for you to do, you could just make your meals officially out of their leftovers, if there is consistently enough for that. Or make a rule for yourself that you either toss out leftovers that won’t otherwise get eaten or put it in back in the refrigerator. But the garbage can metaphor could be helpful too!
Michelle
Hey Michelle! Love this post! I especially like the part about introjected regulation. It seems at odds with predictions of self-discrepancy theory, which holds that when “ought” discrepancies (inconsistencies between the actual self and the self one “ought” to be) are activated, people feel anxious, and anxiety is usually dealt with by food avoidance (hence research findings showing that ought discrepancies predict anorexia). HOWEVER, your description and predictions fit with my personal experience much better. I’d add a final process: once the “should” has been violated, the “law” has been broken. If stealing a pound of rice is just as bad as stealing a grain, then hell, if we’ve ALREADY stolen a grain, let’s fill up the sack! Author Helen Fielding has Bridget Jones say in one of her diary books, following a huge binge, that she ate the last bits of junk food “as if to draw a line under the whole sorry episode.” When I personally start thinking of specific foods as “legal” and “illegal,” then when I’ve had one of the illegal foods, I try to “get it out of my system” by consuming them until I’m sick and vowing to start a fresh, law-abiding life the following day. You can see where that goes, of course. 🙂 If, in contrast, I make “bad” foods a required part of my daily diet, I tend to eat in a much more balanced fashion. Lately I’ve been “requiring” myself to eat a small dark chocolate bar every evening after dinner. I keep them in the freezer. Dark chocolate isn’t ordinarily something I’d binge on; it’s too bitter. But I like the flavor of it in small amounts, so it makes a good daily treat. If I know I’m going to have it, I’m less likely to raid the pastry display that somehow always makes its way, courtesy of the diabetic associate head of my department, to the mail room of my department. 😛
I love your theoretical response to my theoretical blog post! I’m not sure about it, but I’d bet that the research on “ought discrepancies” predicting anorexia are in college-aged women. (Is this E. Tory Higgins’ research?) Although some of the health behavior theory that I love has been studied on college students, I’m not sure how much of the psychological research and theory building done on college-aged students can be generalized to people of different ages and/or other different groups. College women have very different pressures on them, life pressures, and goals then women in midlife, which is why research, especially related to eating, weight, etc. might have very different outcomes in females at different life stages. I’m guessing that the research you referenced might belong in that category…Let me know if I’m wrong please. Regarding your own experience with the chocolate, I think that “requiring” yourself to eat something like that could be a great strategy. (Clearly it works for you.)Also, having dark chocolate instead of super sweet chocolate is also a great idea! I’m going to add it to my list of suggestions! Thank you.
Michelle
Hey Michelle,
Excellent points, as always. The research I’ve done on self-discrepancies concerns adolescents, but you’re right, most of the rest of that body of work is on college students. I’ve often wondered what happens to “ought” discrepancies with development through the lifecourse. I believe that we internalize these oughts (or reject them), thereby turning them into personal ideals (or not). With age I think many of us try to meet personal ideals internalized from oughts in youth, while growing increasingly resentful of life’s new oughts, as we attempt to simply get through the day’s demands (work, relationships, kids). We want to rebel against those oughts! Your own research on adherence to exercise programs seems to suggest that this may be happening. If you frame exercise as something people should do because it’s good for them, they’re probably less likely to stick to it than if you introduce them to the fun of it. Who, after the age of 35, needs more SHOULDS in her life? We need fun, darn it, ways to nurture ourselves and decompress. Okay, now I digress but as usual, your posts are so thoughtful that they lead to this kind of what-if mental meandering… 🙂
Kris,
thanks for following up on my comment back to you, and letting me know about the main population studied for this research. We do need less shoulds! The question is, how can an individual woman free herself from shoulds by reframing things as authentic wants? Keep your great comments coming!
Michelle
Thanks for the great information. I’m looking forward to the future blog with information to help me avoid demonizing food. I need to move beyond living in a world of “should” and “shouldn’t”!
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your comment. I will post information about that in the near future. In the meantime, when you hear yourself saying I “shouldn’t” do X, ask yourself “who” is mandating that to you, and whether it is truly valid.
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