As any author in my field can testify, it doesn’t get any better than hearing readers say how much they enjoyed your book and explain how they are benefiting from implementing your ideas and methods in their lives. But speaking for myself, I also value and even actively seek out push-back from readers.
I was recently participating in a virtual book club that had selected The Joy Choice as their summer read. About halfway into our conversation, one of the readers said, “I understand how POP! as an acronym is easy to remember — Pause, Open up your options and play, Pick the Joy Choice. But I think the ‘Opening up’ step is too hard to expect most people to be able to do, especially given how jam-packed our minds already are with things to remember and do.”
I’m not a fan of criticism (who is?!), but I do love this kind of constructive feedback. Because unless I know the challenges some folks face, I can’t help people address them. I also enjoy this type of problem solving because it pushes me to think more deeply and communicate more clearly.
As I delved into her comment, I saw two main concerns: POP! is “too hard,” and it just “adds to the cognitive overload.” Let’s look at those now.
1.”POP! is too hard to work for me.”
If we’ve been working within a Perfection-based mindset for eating and exercise, adopting a new way of thinking — a growth mindset supporting perfectly imperfect options— can be challenging at first. The key is to begin by giving ourselves permission to be in “POP! kindergarten” and let ourselves enjoy playing with this new tool and technique.
An effective and kind way to begin to learn new things is to frame it as a learning project. Begin with no expectations other than to just feel out the process and experiment with ideas for readjusting eating or exercise plans when they become unworkable (because for most of us, they frequently do).
It can take practice getting mindful at choices points so we are able to Pause. The question is, are you framing this task as “hard” or “something I can learn with practice”? If you find using POP! hard, ask yourself if you are approaching it in high-stake ways and using all-or-nothing thinking. (e.g., If I can’t do it immediately “right” it’s not worth doing at at all!) or simply need a little more practice?
The science is clear: how we frame any task determines how we experience doing it. So, let’s politely show the relentless all-or-nothing dragon out the door and invite in the spirited and curious octopus to help us reframe the POP! process, embracing other options in low-stakes and playful ways.
In addition, the following questions can help make the task of Opening up your options more manageable when you are just starting out. Ask yourself:
- What else might work? (portion size, food choice, exercise activity)
- Is changing the time possible? (rework dinner menu to accommodate unwelcomed lunch eating needs, exercise at a different time)
- Can I compromise on the amount? (eat 1/3 of the surprise cake instead of the whole piece? Move for 12 minutes if you can’t fit in your planned 45?)
2. “My cognitive load is too high to even think about my options, let alone identify more of them!”
Believe me when I say I personally understand the feeling of cognitive overload! That’s why I was excited to create The Joy Choice solutions to support our executive functioning. In fact, that’s why I named and framed the two core concepts and strategies in such positive, light-hearted ways: the Joy Choice and the POP! Decision Tool.
Popping bubbles is fun! And picking the Joy Choice, the perfectly imperfect option — no matter how small or seemingly insignificant — gives us grace and permits us to stay on the self-care path, even in the midst of challenge.
In this alternative world, something is better than nothing. And that essential idea is so beautifully simple it can cut through and calm the mental noise instead of adding to it.
But no tool or strategy can work for everyone. So, ultimately you’ll have to decide after working with it if the Joy Choice strategy or POP! Decision Tool is a good fit for you and your life.
Out and About I’ve had a blast over the past month speaking to organizations about these ideas, doing interviews, and visiting virtual book clubs. Thanks to all of my hosts!
If you’d like to hear an interesting conversation about some core ideas in The Joy Choice that few have asked me about, check out my recent interview with Change Academy’s Monica Reinagel and Jim Kwik of Kwik Brain.
Feel free to share this post with others who share your interest in the science-based how-to’s of creating lasting changes that can survive in the real world.
Copyright © Segar, Michelle.