I am writing to you about self-care at an auspicious moment, close to Mother’s Day and just weeks after becoming a mom myself.

Because of this, I feel compelled to write about one of the most common challenges of motherhood: Pushing your own self-care to the back burner. Motherhood itself brings a fierce love and desire to care for our children, but it’s also accompanied by a strong societal message that a mom’s needs should only be met after we take care of everyone, and everything, else. Rarely does this approach leave any time for our own self-care!

It is no wonder that a recent study reported that women sacrifice sleep to accomplish all of their “to do’s” and “to care for’s”, to the detriment of their long-term physical and mental health.

Sometimes the hiatus from one’s self-care is necessary and temporary. However, I’ve often found that women’s care-giving of others often becomes an entrenched mindset and habit that can go on indefinitely for 20, 30, even 40 years. Given our role models, and strong societal pressures, it is easy to understand why women often put everyone, and everything, else above their own self-care.

During the past 14 years working with midlife women, I have discovered that they choose to change the status quo and learn how to prioritize their self-care because they decide that they want to get more out of life. They determine that their on-going self-care, quality of life, and health are worthy investments.

If you want to be such a woman, let me share the secret to on-going self-care. I call it Permission² (squared). Permission ² parallels the concept of Yin and Yang, the ancient Chinese idea of opposing, yet simultaneously complementary, elements that keep life in balance.

Women who practice on-going self-care give themselves two types of PERMISSIONS (Permission²). The first PERMISSION relates to feeling entitled to take care of yourself so you can feel energetic, healthy, and positive. It essentially says “yes” to one’s own self-care. The first PERMISSION allows women to truly devote time to the things that will enable them to age with energy, meaning, enthusiasm, and health. This PERMISSION empowers women to say “no” to others’ requests that will interfere with the time they had planned for their self-care.

The second PERMISSION refers to the opposite. Because “life happens”, other priorities emerge unexpectedly. This second PERMISSION allows a woman to be flexible with her self-care goals. In contrast to the first PERMISSION, this one says “not now” to self-care. By confidently saying “not now” to self-care, a woman can tend to the immediate needs of life when necessary, and then easily return to her self-care plan.

Life happens – always. So, Permission² allows a woman to balance her self-care plans and goals with life’s unexpected demands. It is essentially the foundation for sustaining any self-care and health behavior over time (dietary change, exercise motivation, etc…), and keeps a woman and her life in balance. As I embark upon motherhood, I am confident that Permission ² will enable me to continue caring for myself as I take care of others. I hope you will give yourself the gift of Permission ² too.

Please share any of your challenges, strategies, and/or successes with permission(s) to say “yes” or “not now” to self-care.